Retracing my steps...

Often times I find myself lost in a sea of expectations, no longer able to establish which are mine and which are foreign. Pulling myself through their mass is a daily trial which I feel as though I fail minute by minute, my strength ebbing away, my resolve growing dull, and my struggle growing with every stroke.

Looking around I see that I am lost.I am desperate to find the expectations and goals I carefully set for myself such a short time ago.

Today I recommit to finding the bread crumbs, the foot steps, which I hope still remain.

The sense of self I once had, the person I wanted to be, has drowned. Held down by the weight of it's full pack stuffed to the brim with adult responsibility, practicality, prudence, and the fear of failure.

This is a death I will morn no more. A new life, daily dreams, and a sense that I am meant to be only what I do not what I predict takes seed in it's place. No tears, no self-loathing, no pedestals to stand on or climb shamefully off of.

I am only what I expect of myself. I expect great things. I do great things.

Inspirational

I am lucky enough to have some amazing people in my life, some who live close and some who live far across the country. I am even luckier to be gifted with those people's support and friendship. Yes, this shiz is gonna get a little weepy up in her.

I have undergone some transforming the last couple of weeks. Due to some personal and professional changes I've made, my life has become a rather interesting little self-made monster. I am jumping over some serious hurdles in my life right now and at this point in the race I'm looking behind me and seeing a lot of hurdles on the ground and not many left standing. I, however, am still standing, and it's due to the aforementioned people in my life that I am not face down in a rather disgusting pool of my own slobber/tears and melted chocolate chip mint ice cream.

I have always masqueraded as a very strong, independent woman who has a plan and solution for everything. I might have a plan for everything but rarely does it ever go as I wish it to and although I may be independent in many ways (i.e. cleaning myself, feeding myself, dressing myself, etc...) I would be absolutely nothing without the "rocks" that seems to hold me up on my life path. So for those of you reading (you know who you are) I say a tremendously loud and probably obnoxious thank you.

I have learned that you certainly cannot plan for everything and I am slowly accepting the fact that the plans that I make are not always as awesome as I think they are. Sometimes you go with the flow of life and sometimes life picks you up and throws you against the flow until you get the freaking point. So, I get the point, and I although I might be a little worse for wear right now I am happy that it took me so long to get the point. Otherwise I wouldn't be who I am today.

Some people learn from their mistakes and some people are a giant walking mistake. I'm the last one <-------right here y'all. You've got to own it right?

So yeah. Slobbery, weepy goodness and touchy feely stuff right?




Well at least I'm not sulking right?